4th of July Wisdom: Technique to give you the FREEDOM to be who you are in any situation
For whatever reason, have you ever felt dirty or just a little bit off???
It’s as if you were so busy doing what society told you that you were supposed to be doing, but there was a misalignment with who you actually believed yourself to be.
And you wish you could throw away the person generated by society so you can step into who you actually are.
Today, we are going to talk about:
A technique to give you the FREEDOM to be who you are in any situation
A few years ago, I learned a powerful lesson at a 4th of July party that freed me up to be who I am in any situation.
The Story
I was at my family’s cottage and we were hosting a 4th of July party.
We invited guests over and I was doing everything “I was supposed to be doing.”
I was active
I was social
I was being a good host
I was doing many things for different people
However, deep inside I felt dirty and a little bit off.
As the party went on, these feelings grew and eventually became overwhelming to the point I felt like I had to get away.
Eventually, I had an opportunity to take the dog to the bathroom.
I took it up a hill, away from the party on the lake, and out to some woods.
When we reached the woods …
There was a sense of stillness and serenity.
I proceeded to take the dog on a walk through the woods,
And for whatever reason,
During this walk …
I connected to a deeper part inside of me.
And when I connected with this part of me …
I was filled with so much energy and exhilaration,
And I wanted to go back and immerse myself in the party.
So, we went back down (the dog, me, and that deeper part of me),
And we had a great rest of the time.
The Reflection
As I reflected on this experience, it reminded me of a time during my basketball career.
I was stepping into a leadership role and was doing everything “a leader was supposed to be doing.”
I was being vocal
I was the first to show up and the last to leave
I was enhancing the energy of everyone around me
However, deep inside, I felt dirty and a little bit off.
As the season went on, these feelings grew and eventually became overwhelming to the point I felt like I had to get away.
One day, I had an opportunity to play in an empty gym.
Nobody else was there. Only a few lights were on.
It was just ME, the BALL, and the HOOP.
I turned my mind off and played freely.
And after that time training, I sat down to take my gym shoes off, and overlooked the empty hardwood.
And for whatever reason,
During this time …
I connected to a deeper part inside of me.
And when I connected with this part of me …
I was filled with so much energy and exhilaration,
And I wanted to go back and immerse myself in the rest of the season.
As the season continued, I had a lot more fun (me and that deeper part of me).
The Lesson
There will be times in your life when you do what “you are supposed to do.”
But many times, this may lead you to feel dirty and a little bit off.
And these feelings may grow and become overwhelming, making you feel like you want to get away.
You may escape to an environment of stillness and serenity.
Where your mind can turn off and …
You can connect to a deeper part of you.
And when you connect with this part of you …
You become filled with so much energy and exhilaration,
Where you can go back and immerse yourself in society.
Although you may be carrying out the same tasks,
You will be performing them with that deeper part of you …
That part of you who you really are …
In any situation.
My Encouragement
If you are feeling dirty or a little bit off, when you are doing what “you are supposed to do,”
And these feelings are becoming overwhelming,
Find an environment where you can experience stillness and serenity.
Where your mind can turn off and …
You can connect to a deeper part of you.
And when you connect with this part of you …
Allow it to fill you with energy and exhilaration,
And go back and immerse yourself in society,
Performing them with that deeper part of you …
That part of you who you really are!
When you repeat this process, you can realize …
That you have the FREEDOM to be who you are in any situation.
I wish you well on your journey of being who you are in any situation, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
Performance Anxiety??? How to Remain Cool, Calm, and Composed (even in PRESSURE SITUATIONS)
Do you want to remain cool, calm, and composed, even in pressure-filled situations?
Perhaps you admire the great performers, and how they can remain poised during the heat of the moment.
And you want to emit that same relaxed confidence regardless of the situation you are in.
Well, luckily, today we will talk about:
How to remain cool, calm, and composed, even in pressure situations.
Recently, I was asked how I have been able to remain so calm and poised despite everything I’ve gone through in life:
Through my athletic career
Through my health complications
Through my journey serving as a coach
Through my steadfastness of staying true to what I feel my Purpose is
The way I explained it to them is:
It’s like a Sandwich …
On the surface, I appear cool, calm, and composed
Beneath that, I still feel waves of intense fear and anxiety
However, beneath that, I have a deep seed of peace and stillness, knowing that a Greater Power is fueling me and I can handle anything that comes my way
The same seems to be true for elite performers:
They look calm on the surface
But they still get nervous and the butterflies
Despite their nerves, they realize they can handle anything and they emit an aura of relaxed confidence
Which brings us to our question:
How does one develop this deep trust they can handle anything???
So they can overcome their fear
So they can take action in the face of anxiety
So they can remain cool, calm, and composed under pressure
My answer is …
CONNECT TO THIS DEEPER POWER WHILE GOING THROUGH AN INTENSE EXPERIENCE
When you are in a pressure-filled situation,
Connect to that deep seed of peace and stillness underneath the fear and anxiety.
And then, do what you came to do.
Regardless of the outcome, you will know …
That you too action in the face of fear and you made it to the other side.
After taking this action amidst fear enough, you will realize …
Fear cannot stop you …
And you can emit the same aura of relaxed confidence …
AND YOU WILL REMAIN COOL, CALM, AND COMPOSED, EVEN IN PRESSURE SITUATIONS.
I wish you well on your journey of remaining cool, calm, and composed in pressure-filled situations, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
My Dad Did What??? 3 Ways Fathers Can Impact Their Student Athlete Child
This is for the fathers of student athletes.
(Or, if you are a student athlete, share this with your father)
Today, we will talk about:
3 Ways Fathers Can Impact Their Student Athlete Child
In my opinion,
Fathers are the most influential role models in the lives of student athletes.
Even more than their coaches.
Even more than their favorite superstars on TV.
In my opinion, fathers are the most influential role models in the lives of student athletes.
Disclaimer:
I AM NOT A FATHER!!!
However, I was a student athlete and I have coached many student athletes over the years.
And the three traits we will talk about today are what I respected about my dad as well as the fathers of the student athletes I have coached.
1. Promote a variety of activities for your child to participate in
Growing up, my dad encouraged me to try out a variety of activities.
He encouraged me to play various sports like:
Football
Basketball
Baseball
Soccer
Tennis
Golf
He also encouraged me to try other activities outside of sports like:
Woodworking in the shop
Water skiing
Guitar
By promoting a variety of activities for me to participate in,
My dad enabled me to discover what I was passionate about and see many opportunities Life was guiding me towards.
2. Encourage your child to expand their comfort zone
There was a period of my playing career when I was passive and timid.
I had great skill, was a hard worker, and an encouraging teammate, but my leadership was not there yet.
One day, as I was finishing a grueling basketball workout, drenched in sweat and exhausted, my dad said to me:
“Everyone wants a leader, yet very few are actually willing to be that leader.
I am not going to tell you to be that leader,
But if you do, it is completely your choice.
But YOU will need to be that leader.”
Once he said that, he flipped a switch inside me.
I crushed the end of my workout
I made the choice to be a leader
I stepped into a leadership position
Rather than overtly tell me what to do,
(There were times he did try that tactic and I rebelled against what he said almost every time 🙂)
In this instance, my dad skillfully flipped a switch inside me,
That helped me to make my own decision to expand my comfort zone.
In turn, I stepped into a leadership position.
3. Be an example of a being of character
Perhaps the most powerful memory of my dad came outside of sports.
We were at a hospital for some medical complications I was dealing with.
One morning, I had an early appointment, probably around 6:00 AM.
We were staying at a hotel down the road from the hospital and we were walking to the hospital through the dark and cold morning during a blizzard.
I recall looking at my dad, briefcase in his hand, being pelted by the snow.
In that moment …
I respected him so much.
Here was a man who gave up everything for me.
Here was a man who took time off work to me with me.
Here was a man who was out in this cold blizzard to help find answers to make me healthy, to help find answers so I could have the vitality to live my dream.
In that moment, I thought to myself:
“That is someone I want to emulate someday!”
I wanted to emulate:
His resilience
His perseverance
His willingness to give so much so someone can live their dream
And I had so much respect for him.
Rather than enforce his values and beliefs on me,
My dad was an example of a being of character,
And I wanted to one day exemplify those qualities as well.
3 Ways Fathers Can Impact Their Student Athlete Child
Promote a variety of activities for your child to participate in
Encourage your child to expand their comfort zone
Be an example of a being of character
And when you embody these qualities,
Your child will respect you so much and want to make you proud.
Because, after all …
You are the role model they look up to most.
I wish you well on your journey of impacting your student athlete child, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
I Learned This the Hard Way: How to play CONFIDENT against the toughest competition
Do you shy away from the top competition???
Perhaps you have great skills and abilities, but against the top performers, you freeze up and turn into a shadow of the player you know you are.
If so …
NO WORRIES!!! That’s cool and completely normal.
And today we are going to help you:
Play CONFIDENT … Even against the toughest competition
Recently, an athlete approached me because he was experiencing difficulties playing against great competition.
He had lots of ability, but he would freeze up against the toughest performers and not play his best.
This reminded me of two situations in my life, which were similar in opportunity, yet had drastically different outcomes.
Situation 1
When I was about 10 or 11 years old, I was invited to practice with one of the best AAU basketball teams in the state.
I was terrified!!!
During the car ride, I was worrying about the competition I was about to go up against. I had heard stories about how good this team was.
When I got to the practice …
I was even more horrified and petrified!!!
Many kids had huge muscles
Some kids had begun to grow beards
A few of them could dunk and most others could slap the backboard on their lay ups
I had never played against competition like this yet in my early playing days.
I completely psyched myself out
I completely froze for the rest of practice
I turned into a shadow of the player I knew I was
As a result …
I WAS NEVER INVITED TO PLAY WITH THIS TEAM AGAIN!!!
Situation 2
When I was 14, I was once again invited to practice with one of the best AAU basketball teams in the state.
This time, rather than shying away from the competition …
I embraced it!
I played my game and:
Had one of my best performances
Played the rest of the year with this team and was a starter
Formed lasting relationships, friendships, and experiences I never would have had before
Two similar situations with TWO DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT OUTCOMES.
Through this experience, I learned:
3 Lessons to Help You Play Confident Against the Toughest Competition
1. Sink out of the head and into the feeling sensations of the body
As athletes, we can get caught in our heads as we size up and compare ourselves to our competition.
In Situation 1, I was caught in my head, worrying about these players’ muscles, facial hair, and athleticism.
In Situation 2, I sunk into how good it felt to play the game:
The crispness of every cut
The fluidity of every move
The effortlessness of the stroke of my jump shot
This freed up much energy to enable me to perform at my highest capacity.
Sink outside of your head and into the feeling sensations of your body …
And you release yourself from negative thought patterns and play confidently even against tough competition.
2. Your competition is equally as scared of YOU as you are of them
As I was worried about the out-of-this-world athleticism and insane ability to handle the basketball of the other players, I later learned:
They were afraid of my ability to shoot and how smart I was.
In scrimmages, a teammate of whoever was guarding me would say,
“Don’t let this guy shoot!”
At a practice later on in the season, a coach addressed the team and said,
“Out of any player on this team, if there was one player I’d build a team around, it would be Kyle.
Although he’s not the biggest
Although he’s not the strongest or fastest
Although he doesn’t have the best handles … (he kept going on and on about what I wasn’t good at 🙂 )
I’d form a team around Kyle because he is smart.”
Although I was worried about my competition and the attributes they possessed but I lacked, they were equally worried about me.
Hone in on your strengths! Don’t worry about your weaknesses because your competition is worried about what you specialize in.
When you have this realization, you free yourself up to play confidently regardless of the competition.
3. Feel the Fear and do it anyway
One of the biggest secrets of the top performers and those who appear to be most confident is:
They still feel Fear.
But they re-orient their relationships and minds towards Fear.
Rather than avoid Fear, they go at it because they realize it’s guiding them to their Highest Potential.
Fear is an evolutionary mechanism designed to heighten our abilities so we can perform at our highest.
There is no avoiding Fear!!!
However, you can change how you view Fear.
Rather than avoiding it, you can view it as your ally that is helping you to perform your best.
Make no mistake, I felt Fear in Situation 2, but I proceeded to play my game regardless of how I felt.
When you feel Fear, but realize it’s here to help you,
You realize one of the most powerful forces in the universe is on your side,
And this makes you essentially unstoppable,
And this helps you play confident, even against the toughest competition.
3 Lessons to Help You Play Confident Against the Toughest Competition
Sink out of the head and into the feeling sensations of the body
Your competition is equally as scared of YOU as you are of them
Feel the Fear and do it anyway
As you master your Fear in your game,
You free yourself up to your Highest Potential in Life.
There will be many situations in life that will make you want to freeze up!
You’ll have:
A dream
A calling
A mission
That is beckoning you to pursue it.
Most people shy away from it …
But you can go after it!!!
As you sink outside of the mind about how impossible this dream seems …
And into the feeling sensations of how you perform and execute your Craft,
As you realize that despite you worrying about how lofty this vision may be …
This vision is equally worried about YOU because you have the courage to face it head on,
As you feel the Fear, yet proceed anyway, realizing this Fear is your biggest ally preparing to face this new vision, dream, and reality head on,
Realizing this Fear is guiding you to your Highest Potential,
You realize you are UNSTOPPABLE
You will face this dream HEAD ON
You will be formed into the most optimal Being YOU WERE CREATED TO BE
You will carry on to your Highest Potential and fulfill your Purpose, in service and inspiration to all around you.
I wish you well on your journey of playing confident against the toughest competition, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
Inspiring YOU every step of your way,
Kyle
Advice I Wish Someone Had Shared With Me: How to make difficult decisions as a Student Athlete
Are you a student athlete who needs to make a difficult decision?
Or, are you a parent of a student athlete, and your son or daughter is facing a challenging situation in which they must make a choice?
Well, today I am going to share some advice I gave to a player I was once coaching when he needed to make a difficult decision.
And I hope this advice will be a guiding principle to:
Help Student Athletes When Making Tough Choices
This particular player approached me for some advice about what to do for college.
He was wondering what school he should go to and whether he should continue to play his sport or if it was time to hang up his shoes and end his competitive sporting career altogether.
This individual was either a two or three sport athlete and had a lot of potential.
He had some opportunities to play at some lower level schools or he could try out as a preferred walk on at a higher level school.
As I listened to his stories and all the factors and variables he was weighing to make his decision, I began to chime in with my experiences going through college as well as the experiences of other athletes I had coached who had gone through college.
Eventually, I could see him gaining clarity about the path forward he felt was best for him, but I could tell he was still hesitant about it.
Quite frankly, it was completely NORMAL for him to be hesitant in a situation like this because it was probably one of the biggest decisions of his life thus far:
He was deciding which school to go to
He was deciding what subjects he wanted to study
He was deciding whether he wanted to continue playing his sport or if it was time to end his sporting career (an idea he had never conceived of before in his entire life)
Then, I felt something inside me call him to give him this advice:
“Whatever decision you make,
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.
And you will learn and grow from it.
And it will refine you into the being you were born to be.”
And that is the same advice I would like to offer you today if you are making a difficult decision:
“Whatever decision you make,
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.
And you will learn and grow from it.
And it will refine you into the being you were born to be.”
As student athletes, we face many difficult decisions.
In our sports:
What team do we want to try out for?
What position do we want to play?
Is it time to end our sporting career?
In school:
What school do we want to go to?
What do we want to study?
How can we integrate the material into our lives?
In life:
What career path do we want to pursue?
Where do we want to live?
What impact do we want to have and what do we want to be remembered for in this lifetime?
Despite these inevitable difficult decisions that arise in this Game of Life,
The advice I encourage you today with is:
TO OWN YOUR DECISION!!!
Go all in on your decision without looking back … because:
“Whatever decision you make,
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.
And you will learn and grow from it.
And it will refine you into the being you were born to be.”
I wish you well on your journey of realizing you can handle any decision you make in life, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
Advice I Wish Someone Had Shared With Me: How to make difficult decisions as a Student Athlete
Are you a student athlete who needs to make a difficult decision?
Or, are you a parent of a student athlete, and your son or daughter is facing a challenging situation in which they must make a choice?
Well, today I am going to share some advice I gave to a player I was once coaching when he needed to make a difficult decision.
And I hope this advice will be a guiding principle to:
Help Student Athletes When Making Tough Choices
This particular player approached me for some advice about what to do for college.
He was wondering what school he should go to and whether he should continue to play his sport or if it was time to hang up his shoes and end his competitive sporting career altogether.
This individual was either a two or three sport athlete and had a lot of potential.
He had some opportunities to play at some lower level schools or he could try out as a preferred walk on at a higher level school.
As I listened to his stories and all the factors and variables he was weighing to make his decision, I began to chime in with my experiences going through college as well as the experiences of other athletes I had coached who had gone through college.
Eventually, I could see him gaining clarity about the path forward he felt was best for him, but I could tell he was still hesitant about it.
Quite frankly, it was completely NORMAL for him to be hesitant in a situation like this because it was probably one of the biggest decisions of his life thus far:
He was deciding which school to go to
He was deciding what subjects he wanted to study
He was deciding whether he wanted to continue playing his sport or if it was time to end his sporting career (an idea he had never conceived of before in his entire life)
Then, I felt something inside me call him to give him this advice:
“Whatever decision you make,
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.
And you will learn and grow from it.
And it will refine you into the being you were born to be.”
And that is the same advice I would like to offer you today if you are making a difficult decision:
“Whatever decision you make,
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.
And you will learn and grow from it.
And it will refine you into the being you were born to be.”
As student athletes, we face many difficult decisions.
In our sports:
What team do we want to try out for?
What position do we want to play?
Is it time to end our sporting career?
In school:
What school do we want to go to?
What do we want to study?
How can we integrate the material into our lives?
In life:
What career path do we want to pursue?
Where do we want to live?
What impact do we want to have and what do we want to be remembered for in this lifetime?
Despite these inevitable difficult decisions that arise in this Game of Life,
The advice I encourage you today with is:
TO OWN YOUR DECISION!!!
Go all in on your decision without looking back … because:
“Whatever decision you make,
YOU WILL BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT.
And you will learn and grow from it.
And it will refine you into the being you were born to be.”
I wish you well on your journey of realizing you can handle any decision you make in life, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
